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Mom2Shelby

Missing my best girl … grief can hit you when you least expect it

Oh Miss Shelby… God how I miss you. And just when I thought the daily tears had stopped, I find myself sobbing at my computer. I am working at home today and put on my iTunes library at ‘random’. An Enya song came on. It brought me right back to those first few days after your amputation. You were beyond manic. I couldn’t soothe you – no matter what I did. You just paced and paced. It broke my heart. I was exhausted; up all night with you, knowing it was the drugs that was doing this but hopeful they ease out of your system.  I needed sleep – desperately – to be a better caregiver for you. I was a single mom.

So I shut you out my room and cranked up Enya to calm and soothe you. I knew you wouldn’t hurt yourself and I just prayed you would settle and get some rest. I felt like the world’s worst mom. What kind of mom shuts her baby – who is scared – out of her room? But I knew I couldn’t help you. No matter if I sat on the floor with you or paced with you.

You rested. You found your respite in my bathroom which you made your den.

My baby girl – my one true love – I miss you so very much. It is summer here. It was our time. Beach time. Cocktail time. Travel time. I only wish I had discovered how much fun traveling was together earlier in our life together. However, you most likely would have been the most mega PITA on the face of the earth! 🙂 I long to snuggle your ears one more time. Breathe in your fur. Kiss your face over and over. I hope you know how much I miss you. How much I think about you every day. How much I love you. There will NEVER be another love like ours. I truly believe that.

Thank you for the penny last weekend. And the sequin. I know it was your way of telling me you were and always here with me. I hope that this pain eases up. It’s almost been 4 months … how is that possible? It feels like you have been gone so much longer. I find it harder to recall our wonderful life together and those memories. thank GOD for Facebook so I can see how happy and how much fun we had last summer before we knew for sure about that awful f’ing cancer. I am thankful that God gave us last summer. I am thankful we didn’t know.  Because look how much fun we had!!!

I love you, Shelby, to the moon and back and for all infinity.

SNUGGLES were always the best

You always smiled for me! And we said YAY for sunshine!

The best … always the best…

2 Comments »

  1. Michelle Said,

    July 25, 2014@ 6:31 pm      Reply

    The grief is like that Alison. It will be gone some days and then something or someone says just the right thing and it triggers it all over again. It will get better but you will still have those days ( I would be kidding you if I said you wouldn’t I still have them).

    I love your pictures and your memories.

    Hugs & lots of love
    Michelle & Angel Sassy

  2. jerry Said,

    July 26, 2014@ 3:11 pm      Reply

    That middle photo is SO SWEET, Shelby’s joy is just pure goodness in that photo.

    Like I said, don’t feel like you’re crazy or wrong or whatever because you have moments like this, it happens to all of us. As a wise person said somewhere, grief is the price we pay for having such love in our lives.

    {{{{hugs}}}}}


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