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Mom2Shelby

16 Months an angel

My darling Shelby …

I miss you, sweet angel. I miss you every day of my life. I wish you could / would visit me in my dreams but you must be busy over the bridge. I found your shiny new penny you left for me last weekend on a long walk with Jasper. It was so bright there was NO way I could miss it. It shines like you always did.

We’re going on a road trip so I’ll be on the road on your angelversary. I remember our road trips. We had SO much FUN! You always were so excited to go. You would embrace each ride in the car with excitement – never fear – even in the end when our trips were more often to the vet.

We would walk, talk (well, mostly me) and relax. I miss those days. Jasper is getting better at the beach. She still is fearful of the car but she’s embracing the coast more and more. But it still is “our” place. I still think about you each time we go down there.

Things have been hard, Shelbs. I feel lost (more than I should) and I don’t know where my place in this world is. I don’t know if I love LA anymore but it is where I said goodbye to you so I don’t know if I can leave. I don’t know if I am strong enough to start over – again. I am getting to old for this but somehow “this” isn’t the life I was meant to live. It simply cannot be. I am definitely more sad than glad most of the time. It has been a rough couple of years and I think that is all wearing me down.

I think if I had you by my side, things would be easier. I adore little Jasper and I thank you for sending her to me. She has come out of her shell and I could not be more proud.

I wish you two had met … I could imagine you two together … you would be the best of friends for sure. You would love and mentor her. She would snuggle up with you. In a perfect world…

Well, my sweet girl, I need to run. You are in my heart … the 8th of every month will always be “Shelby Day”. So … forever and all eternity, I love you to the moon and back and for all infinity. I know you’re coming on the road with us … enjoy the ride and toss me a penny if you have the time. I love you Shelby Lynne!

XO – your mommy!

#timehop Oh how in a perfect world I would have both these cuties by my side. I know Shelby would have mentored and loved on Jasper and helped her become fearless. And Jasper would cuddle up with Shelby as her “protector”. I love how both my girls love(d) the stairs at my apt to just sit and watch the world go by. #missingmybestgirlalways #shelbylynne #jasperlily #lifeisbetterwithadog #mygirls #beachliving #loveofmylifeontheleft #whorescuedwhoontheright #justlove #wasjustmeanttobeadogmom

Alpha girl!

My favorite face in the whole world! I miss you!!!!

5 Comments »

  1. Paula Ehlers Said,

    August 8, 2015@ 9:45 am      Reply

    Oh it breaks my heart to hear of the sadness you’re feeling! I admire your self-awareness and courage as you continue this journey. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I hope you continue to let Jasper help you heal. May your upcoming road trip give you insight on where your life is going, with Angel Shelby Lynne watching over you and guiding you.

    Paula and Nitro

  2. jerry Said,

    August 8, 2015@ 11:04 am      Reply

    Alison, I know it comes and goes in waves, the sadness you feel for living life without her, for grieving what you once had. Accept, move forward, and know that life is a ride, there are always signs of Shelby guiding you as you move through it.

  3. benny55 Said,

    August 8, 2015@ 12:20 pm      Reply

    Always, always love seeing pictures of your belpved…our beloved..Shelby. They are so life affirming and consistent smile makers. I love that Shelby “allows” Jasper Lily to share her porch perch! And Shelby with her “stuffy” and priceless expression…sooooo cute!!

    And I agree with Paula, it takes courage to acknowledge the self awareness you are continuing to grow into. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit Alison. You have become stronger than you know! You have sooo much value snd contribute to all of us in numerous ways.

    And make no mistake about it, Shelby and Jasper Lily know each other! And Shelby has made it plain she is still with you. She will definitely be making the road trip with you and Jasoer…and she’ll make itplain she’s with you!! Maybe another street sign with her name in it? And didn’t she connect with you through a license plate one time? Can’t wait to see what she sends your way this time!

    Have a safe and relaxing trip Alison. Give yourself plenty of hugs and a few pats on your back for continuing to grow and to find empowering meaning even in the rough times! Looking forward to road trip photos!!

    Always sending love..especially today!

    Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!

  4. Codie Rae Said,

    August 8, 2015@ 2:49 pm      Reply

    Oh Alison,

    The anniversaries are always so hard. And the healing road is long. But I think we have all seen how much you have learned in the past 16 months. Sometimes it is hard to see for oneself. Sally is right–give yourself some credit for the strides you have made! Look to your happy memories of Shelby and your little Jasper Lily to lift your spirits. I bet the road trip will help as well :).

    Have a wonderful trip and make some new memories with JL. And don’t forget to let us know if you want to get together!

    xoxo,
    Martha, Codie Rae, and the OP

  5. Michelle Said,

    August 8, 2015@ 4:38 pm      Reply

    Alison, I am so sorry. I know how hard it is. 🙁 I feel for you trust me. It comes & goes. You have made great strides over the past 16 months. You and Shelby will always be soul mates but JL is a heart dog.
    I know Shelby will be with you on your vacation. Have a great time with JL <3. Make sure to take lots of pictures & tell us about it.

    xoxoxox

    Michelle & Angel Sassy


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