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Mom2Shelby

23 months an angel

WOW … just wow. How did we get to 23 months; almost 2 years? Where has the time gone my sweet Shelby? I miss you but you know that. You visit MUCH less. You send less signs. I think you know I am doing better. Almost 2 years and that sparkle has come back to my life, that will to live has come back, the sidekick brings more joy vs guilt. Life moves on. Yet life stands still.

Death and grief are a funny thing. You realize how strong and weak you are all in the same. I just got over the flu and it was a doozy! I remember how you were the best nurse. You just rested with me. And we had snuggles. And it was great for healing. Nothing like a dog’s love.

You were the mom sometimes … even when I had to be the mom and be brave, you were always the brave and strong one. You guide so much of what I do to this day.

I feel more of a peace in knowing that you are my angel … I wish you were still here – in a perfect world – but knowing you keep me safe and keep a watch out for me soothes my heart. As each new soul here earns their wings, the memories of your passing come back fresh and raw. But I wouldn’t change one day of our life together for anything. We did everything we needed to do when we needed to.

I feel less guilt about the things we didn’t do now. I know that our entire life together prepared me for the life I am living now. It isn’t a perfect life but it’s a more peaceful life than it was last year at this time.

There is a degree of sadness that surrounds me at all times and I assume that eventually will fade as it already has. I love to look back on our photos of all the great times we shared … our Santa Barbara trips were the best. I wish I had the courage to go back since it’s a beautiful place and one that brings me peace AND joy but I’m not ready. It was our place and our first vacation and our last vacation together. But these photos from spring break years ago are able to bring smiles instead of tears and for that, I celebrate your day.

I miss you my sweet angel … love of my life … soul mate ….  always and together and for all infinity. Don’t be a stranger! Mama misses and loves you!

At the wineries … one of my favorite photos of Shelby!

Snuggles! At our dog friendly hotel!

Shelby got her sea-legs!

One of my most favorite photos of me and Shelby – ever! I have this framed in my office at work.

7 Comments »

  1. Michelle Said,

    March 8, 2016@ 7:17 pm      Reply

    Oh Alison, I don’t think she visits less often I think that we just need to be slapped when they do. Honestly I think that she is still there with you and watches over you & JL. The thing about it is we just miss some of those signs as time moves on. We never forget them or the “anniversaries” we just don’t post about them as often. I know I haven’t been good about posting about Sassy’s (I haven’t forgotten any of them).
    Happy Angelversary Shelby. (Maybe slap your mom a little and let her know you are still around lol).
    It’s ok not to be ready to go to those first and last vacation spots. In time you might then again you may never. If not that is fine too. Shelby knows you still love her.

    xoxoxox
    Michelle & Angel Sassy

  2. bcullom Said,

    March 8, 2016@ 7:38 pm      Reply

    Shelby knows you still miss her like crazy, she also knows you are moving on and learning to love and be happy again, so she doesn’t need to visit as often. She is happy seeing YOU happy again. I can also say, those times you need her guidance and emotional support, she will be there 💜
    Wow, you and several others coming up on 2 years already…… It seems like such a long time, but it isn’t……. Takes a long time to adjust to life again, but we all are doing well 🐾

    Sending tons of love and hugs,
    Bonnie, Angel Polly, and all my other girls

  3. zeusysmom Said,

    March 8, 2016@ 8:06 pm      Reply

    I love your pictures Alison! Shelby was a special dog for sure. Yes they are our soulmates…
    Im glad you are better.I hope Zeus and Shelby have met!
    Deb, Belle and Angel Zeus

  4. midnighter94 Said,

    March 8, 2016@ 9:56 pm      Reply

    Oh Alison ~ your posts always bring tears to my eyes. Shelby was so lucky to have you, and you her! I’m glad there are more sunny days than dark ones 🙂

    Kisses to Jasper Lily!
    Donna & Murphy

  5. benny55 Said,

    March 9, 2016@ 10:15 am      Reply

    Alison, you express your “heart thoughts” so beautifully and with such purity.

    The life lessons Shelby taught you, and is still teaching you, are astoundingly life changing. The growth of your Soul is lovely to watch. You and Shelby are both teaching us all so much.

    I love that you’ve let go of your “guilt” about loving Jasper Lily! She made it impossible not to love her! Impossible!! That’s why Shelby picked her!

    I agree with the others, Shelby is surrounding you with her presence all the time. You, and she both, are more confident of that connection and aren’t as laser focused on any signs that may be around you.

    I always love the pictures of Shelby. Such a Princess! You two are a team FOREVER!

    Much love!

    Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

  6. dobemom Said,

    March 9, 2016@ 12:13 pm      Reply

    Thinking of you at this time, and always…I don’t think I realized that as Shelby was getting ger wings, we were just beginning the journey with Nitro as he is coming up on his 2 yr ampuversary in June (but the journey started in April).

    You really have grown stronger as these months and years have passed – we see it. You set a great example for us to follow, as we eventually walk this same path. Thank you for that.

    Paula and Nitro

  7. jerry Said,

    March 20, 2016@ 4:45 pm      Reply

    Alison not only have you come a long way in how you cope with grief, but the way you express your confidence and ways of looking at life now is so eloquent. You graduated my friend.

    I know, two years coming up is insane. We still stay that years after Jerry’s passing, it never seems real in so many ways.

    {{{hugs}}}


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