Oh Shelby … it all makes so much sense now. I have been feeling off and lethargic and tired for a couple days now. Combined with my epic tears (albeit Oscar worthy performance this past weekend), today crept up on me.
Sixteen weeks ago today I helped your earn your beautiful wings and you assumed a new role – my guardian angel. I miss you so very much, my princess. I have found myself staring at your photos more and more lately. Trying to look into your eyes. Such love we had for each other.
I also noticed that Friday, when I worked from home, I went to the gym first and didn’t shower right away. Because I had been working out, I wasn’t wearing your necklace that I got to always hold you in my heart. I feel naked without it. The Tripawds Etsy store did such an amazing job and it’s beautiful and it holds me close to you.
I’ve heard you’ve been visiting with my friend, Bonnie. I hope you are being a good guest as you are leaving a trail of rhinestones all over the place. I am glad you are making friends.
I have visions, thoughts, dreams of what you are doing over the bridge. I know you have met up with all the angels of the friends I have here, Polly, Ty, Happy Hannah, Sassy, Brendol, Jake, Jersey Girl, Snoops (who just got there so show him the ropes) and of course, Jerry. I think you are probably the smallest one out of this group but your personality is as big as they are in size. I am sure they all love you but have schooled you more than once about the jumping and play-nipping! You always did love the bigger dogs! 🙂
When I close my eyes … sometimes I can see you playing with all your friends. I know you can see me and you don’t want me to be sad. I know you send me as much strength as you can. I know you sent me little Jasper Lily. She’s your baby sister. We talk about you every day. Do you hear us? If you could send her a message about being a little less scared of EVERYTHING, that would be fantastic! You were my fearless girl.
I have your photos on my desk at work still. I love looking into your pretty face from our trip to Santa Barbara. We had so many wonderful adventures.
I have the big sequin I found in my office right after you passed sitting on my desk. I have the pennies you have sent near your little shrine.
I miss you Shelby. I know I will see you again. I think that is what gives me peace and keeps me going. But today, and this week, I am exhausted and I am sad and I feel worn out. I know that is the grief. It’s hard to believe last summer at this time we were chillaxin’ by the beach.
I have figured out a new way to sign my name on the Tripawds forums which really expresses what I believe to be true. “Alison with the Spirit of Shelby fur-ever in her heart” because I believe you are with me in my heart, my soul, my daily life … there is a piece of you that lives on in me. You were my soul mate. My one true love. And a love like that never, ever, EVER leaves.
Mommy loves you, Shelby Lynne… to the moon and back and for all infinity.