22 Months an angel

Another angelversary? Oh Shelby Lynne…. where has the time gone!?! You visit me so much less. But that doesn’t make me miss you less!!!

February will always be a double shot of grief since Feb 7 is the day that my darling daddy passed away from a long battle with cancer as well. This year was 19 years since he had passed. That seems unfathomable to me. I was a baby when he passed – only 22. I couldn’t even wrap my head around what that meant. And like the grieving process with Shelby, I just kind of became a zombie for years. As I get further away from his passing and further from Shelby’s, I do see a lot of similarities in that grief process. I have experienced romantic heartbreak but nothing compares to the loss of someone you love, admire, respect and strive to be more like – both my father AND Shelby. Neither let their disease define them – in part, some could argue that Shelby was a dog and didn’t know but I don’t really believe that. I believe with my heart and soul that Shelby knew something was wrong but she fought hard and strong since she knew she had to get me to a place of true strength. And when it came down it, I didn’t feel strong at the time, making those end of life decisions for her, but in retrospect, it was the strongest I had been in a long time.

So on Shelby’s day (the 8th) and on Daddy’s day (Feb. 7), I take a lot of comfort in thinking they were together. My daddy LOVED animals – so much so. We always had dogs growing up and in the end, his dogs were of great comfort to him while I was away at college. They were a perfect pack. Kind of like the pack I am creating with Jasper Lily, in that I much prefer to spend time with her other than humans.

Daddy and Shelby also LOVED the beach so to honor them, we went to the off-leash dog beach (forcing Jasper to embrace the beach lifestyle which she doesn’t love but humors me). Jasper had a blast! Divine intervention?!? I think yes.

My daddy loved the beach, the sea, the water … he was a Navy man back in the day. And I remember, as a child, romping around the beach with my parents and the dogs at our beach home. The beach life is in my blood, in my soul.  I am so grateful to live near the beach now.

And Shelby … she loved the beach too. I think she liked to have the fresh air in her nose. She always perked up at the beach – even when she wasn’t feeling the greatest after her chemo, she would definitely get a little boost from our beach time. The Long Beach dog beach was one of the best things that Shelby and I discovered while she was still healthy.

And so it made sense that I would honor them both yesterday with a trip to the beach (along with the new sidekick).

Happy Angelversary you two… I hope you are celebrating together and I know you both watch over me (and the sidekick) all the time. I love and miss you both – always and forever – to the moon and back and for all infinity!

Mother’s Love
Beach therapy!
Pre- cancer … Shelby at the dog beach!
Me and my daddy … Christmas 1995 – our 2nd to last Christmas together. I love and miss this man SO, so much! He was my hero – always