My darling Shelby …
I miss you, sweet angel. I miss you every day of my life. I wish you could / would visit me in my dreams but you must be busy over the bridge. I found your shiny new penny you left for me last weekend on a long walk with Jasper. It was so bright there was NO way I could miss it. It shines like you always did.
We’re going on a road trip so I’ll be on the road on your angelversary. I remember our road trips. We had SO much FUN! You always were so excited to go. You would embrace each ride in the car with excitement – never fear – even in the end when our trips were more often to the vet.
We would walk, talk (well, mostly me) and relax. I miss those days. Jasper is getting better at the beach. She still is fearful of the car but she’s embracing the coast more and more. But it still is “our” place. I still think about you each time we go down there.
Things have been hard, Shelbs. I feel lost (more than I should) and I don’t know where my place in this world is. I don’t know if I love LA anymore but it is where I said goodbye to you so I don’t know if I can leave. I don’t know if I am strong enough to start over – again. I am getting to old for this but somehow “this” isn’t the life I was meant to live. It simply cannot be. I am definitely more sad than glad most of the time. It has been a rough couple of years and I think that is all wearing me down.
I think if I had you by my side, things would be easier. I adore little Jasper and I thank you for sending her to me. She has come out of her shell and I could not be more proud.
I wish you two had met … I could imagine you two together … you would be the best of friends for sure. You would love and mentor her. She would snuggle up with you. In a perfect world…
Well, my sweet girl, I need to run. You are in my heart … the 8th of every month will always be “Shelby Day”. So … forever and all eternity, I love you to the moon and back and for all infinity. I know you’re coming on the road with us … enjoy the ride and toss me a penny if you have the time. I love you Shelby Lynne!
XO – your mommy!