23 months an angel

WOW … just wow. How did we get to 23 months; almost 2 years? Where has the time gone my sweet Shelby? I miss you but you know that. You visit MUCH less. You send less signs. I think you know I am doing better. Almost 2 years and that sparkle has come back to my life, that will to live has come back, the sidekick brings more joy vs guilt. Life moves on. Yet life stands still.

Death and grief are a funny thing. You realize how strong and weak you are all in the same. I just got over the flu and it was a doozy! I remember how you were the best nurse. You just rested with me. And we had snuggles. And it was great for healing. Nothing like a dog’s love.

You were the mom sometimes … even when I had to be the mom and be brave, you were always the brave and strong one. You guide so much of what I do to this day.

I feel more of a peace in knowing that you are my angel … I wish you were still here – in a perfect world – but knowing you keep me safe and keep a watch out for me soothes my heart. As each new soul here earns their wings, the memories of your passing come back fresh and raw. But I wouldn’t change one day of our life together for anything. We did everything we needed to do when we needed to.

I feel less guilt about the things we didn’t do now. I know that our entire life together prepared me for the life I am living now. It isn’t a perfect life but it’s a more peaceful life than it was last year at this time.

There is a degree of sadness that surrounds me at all times and I assume that eventually will fade as it already has. I love to look back on our photos of all the great times we shared … our Santa Barbara trips were the best. I wish I had the courage to go back since it’s a beautiful place and one that brings me peace AND joy but I’m not ready. It was our place and our first vacation and our last vacation together. But these photos from spring break years ago are able to bring smiles instead of tears and for that, I celebrate your day.

I miss you my sweet angel … love of my life … soul mate ….  always and together and for all infinity. Don’t be a stranger! Mama misses and loves you!

At the wineries … one of my favorite photos of Shelby!
Snuggles! At our dog friendly hotel!
Shelby got her sea-legs!
One of my most favorite photos of me and Shelby – ever! I have this framed in my office at work.