Three months ago you earned your wings. And not a day goes by that I don’t miss you, think about you, long to feel your fur between my fingers one more time, to give you kisses, snuggles, hugs. You knew me. You “got” me. You were my best friend, my best girl, my soul mate.
It feels longer than three months since you left this earth. Longer since I laid you to rest in my arms by the beach and kissed you and told you that I would never leave you and that I loved you for all eternity.
Last weekend I participated in my annual YAS Spin-a-thon for cancer. This year the ride was dedicated to you. I rode with your bandanna on my arm and your name etched on my arm. I rode with you by my side and in my heart. People asked me “who is Shelby”, thinking it was a person. When I told them Shelby was my dog who had passed from cancer and thanks to advances in cancer therapies for humans, we were able to treat you as well.
Our apt flooded this week. The carpets were ruined. I guess it was a good thing that I had been dragging my feet in getting the carpets cleaned from your last few months there where you had been sick and had a few accidents. You know I was never mad because I knew how devastated you were when you messed on the carpet. We have laminate hardwood floors now. Like we did in Seattle (yet those were real hardwood). I remember you would slide across them like it was a game! The poor man that lived below us. Clickity click with your little nails!
It’s been a stressful couple of weeks. I have felt your strength, Shelby. I truly feel your spirit guiding me daily. I still feel tremendous sadness and grief. I worry that I talk to you less. I worry that your memory is becoming more distant. I worry that my focus is being re-directed. I worry that you think that I will forget about you – which how is that possible, my apt is still a shrine to you. I found your Christmas photo box this week when I was cleaning. I can’t bear to look at those photos yet.
It’s odd – I miss the gut-wrenching, heart-throbbing pain that I felt those first few weeks. I miss the hysterical tears. I fear that if I don’t grieve as intently, then it wasn’t real and our love wasn’t as strong as I believed it to be. People tell me that they miss you. That is good to hear. They can’t even imagine how much I miss you.
I love you, Shelby Lynne … always and forever. You will always be the most beautiful dog in the world with the best smile (I never realized how much you smiled until you were gone) and the best disposition. Thank you for keeping me safe. Thank you for watching out for me. Send me some pennies. Let me know you are still with me. Because last weekend, you were most definitely with me. Till we meet again, my love …
Alison, I could barely get through this beautiful post, as I was sobbing after the first paragraph…….it surely brought back an enormous amount of similar feelings and grief that I am still trying to suppress since Polly died…….I think I am the opposite of you regarding this, I don’t want to re-visit all the terrible deep grief, pain and sense of loss, because if I do, I will go off the deep end for sure.
Thank you for sharing this, it is so wonderful you can talk to Shelby like this…..I have a very hard time with talking to Polly…..but I know Shelby is still by your side, and watching out for you and Jasper every minute of every day, and I know Polly is always with me.
Much Love,
Bonnie & my Angel Polly
Yeah, Bonnie, I’m right with yiu trying to muffle my sobs. I just came off reading and responding to Ty’s Blog through tears where Lori shared his beautiful Tribute Ribbon. Yeah, we all cry for each others and ourselves. There were waaaaaay too many of us having to release our beloved at the same time.
You ALWAYS pay such beautiful tribute to your girl. You are able to bring forth such lovely little snippets of her life to the forefront. We always get to know that sweet soul even better with each post. Thank you for that.
For me, I still find it soooooo difficult to get passed “that day”…to get passed those fourteen months…which were absolutely gloriuous….but I want the OTHER memories to come flooding in too and I just can’t seem to find them!
You are finding them Alison and that is what SHELBY wants you to do! She wants you to move past the pain and embrace all those wonderful, never ending treasured memories the two of you created! Sure, it’s bittersweet, but you are doing that and I applaude you for that!,
It’s wonderful that you did the “Spin” in her honor! I LOVE seeing her so strong and bold on your arm cheering you on!! Your intensity and focus reach out through the screen. And that smile of yours…..love seeing that! BEAUTIFUL!!
Shhhhhh…….I think I just heard the clickety-click of Shelby’s little nails racing across your heart!! Shhhhhh…….listen…..
Sending you soooooooo much love sweet girl!
Sally and Happy Hannah