Month: October 2017

Dearest Shelby,

Yesterday would have been your 17th birthday. This is your 4th birthday over the bridge and I hope each year you get a bigger cake and more sparkles and more tiaras. I know you have made, unfortunately for the humans left behind, new friends. I hope you are still welcoming each and every one of them with your big smile and your cheery disposition.

We miss you down here on earth. The sidekick is good and she keeps me on my toes. Could you possibly send her a little message to stop destroying paper products? She seems to love to attack brand new rolls of toilet paper.

She doesn’t quite ‘trash dive’ as you used to. Perhaps she knows that is a firm no no. I can’t say I miss coming home to seeing coffee grinds all over the floor when I would forget to close the pantry door.

She barks – a lot. You were such a quiet girl. I think I only heard you bark once or twice in your sleep. I recall how when the doorbell would ring, you would look at me as if to say “you gonna get that”?

She has learned to snuggle and cuddle. Do you remember how we had snuggle and cuddle time? Even in the end … there was something special and heartwarming about being able to be close enough to feel your body next to mine. We were so in-sync. I always knew where you were. You always have to be close to me, on the couch, on the floor, in our bed. The sidekick puts herself to be so early it’s almost like I live alone most nights. I miss watching TV with you. I miss looking over and seeing you sleep next to me; peacefully.

I saw your doppelganger today when I went for a run. Remember sweet Milo? He’s still kicking. He must be close to 16 now. He was only a year or so younger than you. He moves slower but still seems happy. Whenever I see him, I feel like that is a sign from you.

I heard you last night. People might think I am crazy but the sidekick was no where to be found and I heard a sound like something dropped on the floor by my feet. Like a movement of some sort. Thank you for visiting! Of course I knew it was your birthday and we talked about you yesterday.

I miss you sweet Shelby Lynne … I really do. BUT I know we will be together again and I know you are forever in my heart and with me always.

So happy birthday my darling girl … I love you … to the moon and back and for all infinity!

Over the weekend, I got a bee in my bonnet and decided to get new linens for my super tiny bathroom. My purple towels had seen better days and I initially thought I was going to replace them with new purple towels.

But when I got to Home Goods, there were few purple towels to be found. And thus began a new chapter and new design of my bathroom.

For those that don’t know the story about the significance of the purple bath mat, here is the blog post I wrote about it years ago http://mom2shelby.tripawds.com/2014/02/20/from-the-bathroom-to-the-bedroom/

When Shelby came home from her amputation, she took up residence in my tiny bathroom. There is barely enough room in there for me let alone me and a dog. It became her “safe space”, her “den”, her “home” and it confused and baffled me. She would come out, eat and then go back in there. She was put out when I was in there. She refused to budge. It was about a month that she took over my bathroom but the purple bath mat became her special spot to go.

In her last few days – after months of not being in the bathroom – she was back in there and that was one of the reasons I knew something was terribly wrong.

When she passed, that purple bath mat became more than just a bathroom mat to me … it was something that reminded me of Shelby and brought me comfort and smiles in the darkest days. I don’t deal well with change – at all. So for the past four years, that bath mat has remained. Jasper has also occasionally found comfort on it when there are fireworks or loud booms at night but she usually flees to under the bed.

It makes perfect sense to me – in the way my mind and brain works – that I would have to emotionally process something as insignificant as a new “look” for the bathroom. There have been tons of other changes to the apt over the years since Shelby passed. When I got a new couch, I grieved the loss of the old couch too as it was a place that Shelby and I would have snuggle and cuddles on. A place that she was not allowed on post surgeries but found a way regardless. A piece of furniture that I had shared with her almost her entire life.

But I was sad to wash the bath mat and put it up and away. I am not quite ready to get rid of it yet (I am strong but not that strong). So for now, it is out of sight but not out of mind.

Oh and I also got a new laundry basket this weekend too … only time will tell if Jasper reacts positively to that (so far she is shunning it). Jasper loves to sleep in my dirty clothes basket.

Change is good. Change is inevitable. It is all about how you can manage and navigate. Life has been a roller coaster since the end of August and I do my best to “be more dog” and take one moment, one breath, one step at a time.

And always embrace nature … as Shelby loved to do!