#TBT Shelby Style

Shelby, my baby, it’s been a while since I’ve updated your blog. You are in my heart and my thoughts every single day. I hope you know that. I hope you can hear me talking about you and talking TO you. Yet, probably in true “Shelby fashion” you are doing your best to ignore my constant chatter.

I never realized how much I talked to you or about you until you were gone. I was scrolling through my FB page from last year and I came upon this photo and the caption with it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was just a couple weeks later our world was rocked with your spleen removal and hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. I am dreading reliving that part of our life from last year as I know those memories are etched in my mind. I want/try to focus on all the good times we had but sometimes it’s just really hard.

Memories from last summer … 

Last summer, since I wasn’t working, we made Thursday into “Vodka Thursdays”. I should have trademarked it. We would go to the Beachside Inn, walk along the water a bit and then grab some happy hour cocktails on the deck and watch the sun set. It was the best!  Shelby was the perfect drinking companion, super chillax and friendly to every one. For a dog that hated the water, you should found your sea legs in the calm currents of the ocean. And of course, it was the one time I had taken the towels out of my car!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We also went to explore the botanical gardens at UCLA. Since Shelby couldn’t hike or go as far, this was something fun for us to do. Shelby loved to be out in nature; she loved to sit outside, bask in the sun, smell the random smells of the animals, watch the turtles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And of course, most of our weekends included sitting outside like this.  It was perfect. I would have done my long run and just wanted to chill and Shelby couldn’t go far on her walks but wanted to be outside. I remember when we lived in the valley we had a balcony that overlooked the parking lot. Literally, all you could see were driveways and garbage bins but Shelby loved to sit outside in the sun and watch the world go by. That was my only complaint about our new home – no balcony. But we would happily sit in the middle of the sidewalk for hours while she could watch people, dogs, cats pass by and I could work on my tan and rest my legs.

Without even realizing it, last summer was our last summer. I think, perhaps, on some level I did know that. I knew there was something wrong with that leg and that despite us not knowing, eventually it was going to come out. My not having a job was a true blessing in disguise. I got to spend every waking minute with my best girl. Neither of us could have asked for a better way to spend our time. Our bond grew even stronger (if that was even possible). Every day was something new. I would work for hours in the a.m. doing job search stuff, etc and then in the afternoon, we would play. We would nap, we would sit outside, we would go for cocktails! Pretty much what we would do during every other summer (yet mostly one the weekends). With Shelby, everything was an experience, a gift, a treasure. People told me to make the most of last summer and I really did try. I have some regrets – partly my own subconscious that held me back – but for the most part, I kept true to my promise to Shelby – to make her life extraordinary. Looking back on my posts from last summer, we did have a lot of cautious fun! Yet, Shelby and I were so in-sync, I am sure she felt my stress, felt my concern about her health, felt my anxiety.

But as this summer winds down, and I’ve made some new happy memories, I definitely do feel the spirit of Shelby guiding me to new memories and trying to keep the dark spots of last summer out of my conscious. I knew this would be a hard summer and the next several months as I relive the darkest time in our fight but I have to stay and remain #shelbystrong and remember that my strength comes from Shelby and her spirit that lives on in me. I love you Shelby Lynne … I love you more than words can ever say. My heart is still 100% yours and I miss you each and every day and while I cry a little less, I still have days when I am not as brave. But I think of how brave you were – always were – and my spirit is lifted! Thank you, Shelby, for making summer 2013 one filled with great joy and love!