OMG the pain of missing my best girl is getting the best of me. They say it gets worse before it gets better and that is definitely 100% TRUE! Holy monkeys do I want to crawl into bed and cry and cry and never come out.
This was my Facebook Status one year ago today:
It feels unreal that we simply didn’t know what was coming our way. Was I blind? Was I stupid? Was I in denial? Or did the cancer really come on with a vengeance just three weeks later … after our last spring break together … and take my sweet angel from me? Did Shelby wait and hide her pain/illness because she knew somehow that we had spring break coming up and we were going to be together for a LONG week, all day, every day? She and I were so in-tune that I almost believe that to be true.
I miss dressing my best girl up. SUCH a good sport! Always. We aren’t even Irish but it was fun to ‘dress her up’ and take her photo. She looks angry but she loved it. She always got so excited when I would pull out her costume box.
I’ve been dreaming, a lot, about Shelby lately. She isn’t leaving me sparkles or pennies but she’s coming to me in my dreams. Sometimes happy dreams. Sometimes sad ones. I swear I woke up this morning, my face wet with tears. Can you cry in your sleep? Does the pain ever really stop? I stare and stare at her photos … willing myself to remember what those ears felt like, the kisses to that sweet little nose and cheeks. I loved kissing Shelby’s cheeks. I loved resting my face against her face and feeling her fur against my skin. I loved smelling in her scent and looking into her eyes and seeing more love than I knew what to do with. My best girl. My partner in crime.
Stay close to me, Shelby. I am relying on your strength. I cannot believe you’ve almost been gone from my arms for 12 months; one year. I promise I will make you proud. I promise I will celebrate your life next month. I promise I’ll share my french fries with little Jasper Lily like I used to with you. I promise I’ll let her be a dog and not watch her like a hawk all the time. Because you ran, you played, you LIVED life and you still got cancer. And you had no regrets about your time on earth. I am making peace with the regrets I have/had around your treatments … but I always know that every decision I made was made with the utmost love and compassion for you. If money was all it took, you would have lived forever …
I love you Shelby Lynne. Always and forever and to the moon and back for all eternity.
SHELBY LYNNE HAD NO
Well now…let’s try again! As I was saying, SHELBY LYNNE HAS NO REGRETS!! And Shelby Lynne wouod hate to think you waste one second on regrets! I do know that part is hard though. I guess it’s all part of the lrocess. But try and remember that Shelby would NOT want you to have regrets, so for her, we all jave to move away from that.
As far as your facebooger post, no, you weren’t in denial, SHELBY STRONG showed you the stuff of which she was made day sfter day! She was beating the odds! She was not throwing in the towel in any way, shape, of form! She WANTED the chance you gave her! She WANTED that glorious extra bonus time she had with you! She wanted more rime on her purple rug!
And yes, you can cry in your sleep. And you can bet that Shelby is making you smike when she visits you too!
Seeing Shelby dressed up….OMD!!! You two really are a tuned in pair!! She loved making you happy…and she loved all the attention she got everytime you dressed her up! That first photo just lights me up!!! I sooooo love this girl!!
Thank you for letting us get to know Shelby more and more! All our dogs are so much more than “after amputation”. You do a beautiful job of getting that message across!
Walking with you always,
Sally and My Eternal Light Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
Alison,
Yes, you can cry in yourself. Shoot you can even smile & laugh in your sleep. She has been coming to you in your dreams right now because you need to know she is near. I have only had 1 of those visits. Each day you face your grief you are Shelby strong.
I don’t think you were in denial. Sometimes those time hop things on facebook can be a bad or good thing. I don’t know how you want to view this one. I know I don’t use that because there are days that I don’t want to remember a year ago lol
I love these pictures of Shelby. Keep sharing girl
And Sally always knows the right things to say. 🙂
hugs
Michelle & Angel Sassy
Aww Alison you are already making her proud, no doubt about that. Tears or not, you have a strength that carries you through from day to day, changing the world and touching lives with #ShelbyMagic.
Thanks for sharing the great pics, these are adorable!
Thinking of you today Alison……………….
((( hugs ))))
Christine… with Frnaklin in her heart♥
aaaghhh..
Franklin…. not Frnaklin…. lol
See.. I know how you feel today.. and it’s got me all confuddled!!
((( more hugs )))