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Mom2Shelby

Two months an angel

It’s been two months today (eight weeks exactly) that Shelby said goodbye to her cancer ridden body and was allowed to soar high above, all four legs back, and to start her new mission, serving as my personal guardian angel. I miss her so terribly much.

As I approach the one year marker of when she first broke her leg, a new flood of emotions permeates my heart and soul. This video was taken ONE week prior to her breaking her leg.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152290332424057&l=6940619971497862852

There are so many questions I have… how is it possible that four days later, on June 8th, she would miss the jump into the car and fall and break her leg. How would my otherwise happy and healthy dog embark on what would be the last 10 months of her life? How did I not see a limp or anything wrong with her? And the worst, why did I let her jump into that car? BUT I am working on striking those thoughts from my mind. Because there is no good that can come from “what if” and Shelby didn’t live like that. I vow again to “be more Shelby”.

About the number 8. I posted the other day on the Tripawds forums that I noticed that the number “8” plays a key role in Shelby’s 10 months on this earth.

June 8 – Shelby broke her leg
August 8 – I interviewed for the job that I ultimately get that would allow for me to take bereavement when Shelby passed
September 8 – Shelby’s spleen was enlarged and subsequently removed but thankfully I was home with her and able to get her to the ER before it ruptured, thus saving her life and finding the hemangiosarcoma cancer.
January 8 – Shelby becomes a Tripawd
April 8 – Shelby earns her wings

As was pointed out to me, eight turned on the side is the symbol for infinity. For as long as I can remember, I would tell Shelby that I loved her to the moon and back and for all infinity. I am not one to put a lot of stock in numerology but I cannot ignore the message presented to me here. Shelby is and remains my soul mate and that is forever.

I was also told that in Chinese culture, the number eight is lucky.

In the two months since Shelby has been gone, I’ve been up down and around. I worked intensely through the month of May which proved to be a great distraction for my immense grief. I went on a mini-vacation and had a lot of time to think and remember how much I truly miss Shelby. It was hard but it was important for me to do. And I found a penny on the floor in a dressing room in Palm Springs that let me know that Shelby was indeed with me that entire trip.

I have learned a lot about myself and how well (or not well) I am still handling this. I am finally able to look through photos on Petfinder without comparing every dog to my beautiful Shelby (I am not ready to adopt yet but I am no longer opposed to owning another fur-baby). I am going to start volunteering at a local animal rescue here in Los Angeles with the hope of being a ‘guardian angel’ volunteer which includes taking the dogs on hikes and runs to assess their temperament and activity levels for their future fur-ever home.  Will be a win/win for everyone – I’ll get in shape (again) and the dogs will get a decent amount of fresh air and activity.

And in two weeks I will participate in my 5th annual YAS Spin-A-Thon for cancer research. I have dedicated my ride and fundraising efforts to Shelby’s memory. Without modern medical advances in cancer fighting drugs, Shelby wouldn’t have received the great treatment and care that she did. It will be my most emotional and intense spin yet, but I will be dressed in head to two #tripawds attire and will spin with Shelby in my heart and on my back.

It’s true what they say, that the pain never really goes away. You just learn to manage it better. Some days are better than others. Weekends are still really hard. Summer, which was our favorite time of year, will be really hard.

This upcoming weekend will be really hard knowing that last year at this time we spent the weekend in the ER with her broken leg and were given the diagnosis of osteosarcoma which was later proven untrue. When I think of the emotional, gut-wrenching roller coaster of emotions I had at the beginning of June and how I found strength where I didn’t think I could. I knew I had to be strong for Shelby. And I know that I can and WILL find  the strength to get through this weekend and the subsequent weeks of this month (as I see the photo reminders from last year on my phone and Facebook page).

I just remind myself, that I did everything within my physical, medical and financial power with the information I had at that time. And that every vet would have made the exact same decisions I made.

And so with that , I chose to end this with some fun memories of my girl… till next time, Shelby Lynne. Remember, mommy loves you to the moon and back and for all infinity. XOXOXO

At the little park by our house that we used to go to with the neighbors. Shelby never wanted to play but preferred to guard the treats.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We loved the beach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love you to the moon and back and for all infinity!

6 Comments »

  1. benny55 Said,

    June 3, 2014@ 4:39 pm      Reply

    My Dear Sweet Alison…….I know it’s hard for you to write this. You domit with such love and compassion…..your heart is truly guiding your “pen”.

    Seeing these pictures of your girl is so life affirming. I love everytime Imlearn another little nuance avout her…..she prefers guarding her toys rather than playing with them!

    And yeah, those bottom two had my eyes welling up. You can ALWAYS see the love, the contentment, the trust, the oneness when the twomof you are in pictures together. I LOVE these. And really, everyone of the two of yoj “hugging and snuggling” like this always show the love given and received by the eachof you. The bliss of the love you two share shows up everytime!

    SHELBYSTRONG and ALISONSTRONG…what a team! She will be right beside you during the spin-a-thon…I know she will! She, and we, will all be cheering you on!

    Alson, you jave been through so kich in your life, especially this past year. And guess what? You’re still standing!! Heck yeah you are! It’s okay to crumble to your kness during this gut wrenching time. That doesn’t mean you aren’t strong…it just means you are HUMAN! And yes, a strong one…even on those days and nights you are overcome with sadness. SHELBYSTRONG has infused you with her strength and that is within yo forever!!

    I also love the new concept for the figure eight! Yeah..-infinity…you telling Shelby you .love her for ifinity….all good stuff! Soulmate kind of stuff!!

    Don’t want to get too whacky on you Assuming we all come here to teach and or learn life lessons …..including our dogs (who probably teach us more than they ever learn fromus), the set of circumstances that brought you to this point in your journey……to today and all the toorrows that follow…..were “meant to be”.

    The o lh way you and Shelby could grow as you have is to experience these life “circumstances”. The all knowing Universe will give you the enviornment for life lessons to take place. NOTHING you could have done would have made a difference! If one set of “circumstances” didn’t work, you will be given other “opportunities” to get the lessons.

    Okay, don’t know if any of that makes sense. If you want to have some fun, email me your birtdate and the full name and spellingyou were born with! Yeah, I’ll do a little light “numerology” a d tell you your “life lesson” you came here to learn!:-) 🙂

    Sending love! Lots and lots of love!

    Sally and Happy Hannah

    • mom2shelby Said,

      June 4, 2014@ 10:06 am      Reply

      My sweet Sally!!! You always know the right things to say. Always! Your heart is so big!

      I truly have had an emotional year and when I think about it, I do realize how much stronger I came out and that people in my day to day life see that too. I am stronger than I give myself credit for and I am a survivor!

      We had the best love story and our story will continue for infinity…

      And yes, will send you my info. Would love to have my numbers done! XOXO

      I love you!

  2. Michelle Said,

    June 3, 2014@ 6:52 pm      Reply

    Thanks for sharing more about Shelby Alison & you are right it the pain will lessen as time goes on but I can already tell a big difference. You may not see it but I do. Not measuring your pain and talking about helping other furbabies.

    Sally always has a way with words. Better than I do. so basically Ditto LOL

    Hugs & love
    Michelle & Angel Sassy

    • mom2shelby Said,

      June 4, 2014@ 10:03 am      Reply

      Thank you for noticing the changes … sometimes one is too close to the emotion to see any real progress being made and it’s affirming to know that others do see that I am a smidge less ‘dreary’ all the time! XOXO

  3. 4myty Said,

    June 3, 2014@ 9:31 pm      Reply

    Alison, I too can see a difference. I read some dry humor from you in a post yesterday or the day before and smiled. Guess who else is smiling? Yep Shelby Girl. She is saying look how tough my Mommy is. And the spin fundraiser, what a gift and tribute. She is so proud of you. I love the videos. They are a treasure. The infinity symbol, now that is really cool. I think Shelby was helping you put all of that together. Love from Lori and Ty

    • mom2shelby Said,

      June 4, 2014@ 10:04 am      Reply

      Dry sense of humor? It’s good to know my sarcastic wit is coming back! Shelby was a tough girl – she taught me well! I know she is guiding me right now and is saying, look at my mama go! The saying goes, you never know how strong you are until that’s your only choice?!? Yup!

      Much love to you!


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