I cannot believe Shelby has been an angel for 20 months. A year and a half (a little bit more). Almost 2 years. This will be my second Christmas without Shelby and while it does get easier, the pain is still there. The memories we shared bring me smiles as I pulled out ALL her Santa photos for display. Each one has a special place in my heart as each dress, each antler, each Santa hat. Each costume forever remains locked up in a box under my bed. I can’t bear myself to remove them and I don’t know what else to do with them.
Holidays with Shelby were the best. That dog was SO spoiled! No dog has ever gotten more toys, more bones, more cookies!!! We LOVED (well maybe mostly me) going to Petco or Petsmart to get her photo taken with Santa. It wasn’t the holidays until that was done – and she always had the perfect “I am sooooo going to murder you in your sleep” face. No matter what.
And the Christmas walks on the beach. In her new dress, spreading holiday joy.
I hate the holidays. I have for years. I hate that time between Thanksgiving and New Years with every fiber of my being and I work really hard NOT to show my “Grinchy” side. But with Shelby … I had reasons to smile, to laugh, to feel joy.
Last year was really hard; not only because Shelby had passed but because it was the last month of the last year we had spent together. This year will mark the first full year I spent without my faithful soul mate. It has been a long year. A lot of questions left unanswered. And a lot of soul-searching left to do.
Sunday on our walk, Jasper led me to a shiny penny. I wouldn’t have seen it if Jasper hadn’t stopped and sniffed and then I looked and three more… brand new sparkling pennies!!! From heaven. Shelby always sends me pennies when she knows I need her the most.
I feel fiercely protective of our bond and preserving that bond. I know no one thinks I have forgotten Shelby but sometimes, an hour goes past and I don’t think about her. She is everywhere – on my desk at work, my walls at home, my screens on my phone and computers. It is impossible to forget her. But maybe I just see her all the time, it is like she never left. Of course she is forever in my heart and with the tears and laughter, I feel the pitter patter of her little paws. And if I close my eyes really tight and breath in really hard, I can feel and smell those velvet ears against my face.
As I get ready to say goodbye to 2015 – I look forward to positive energy in 2016. I made it! One whole calendar year without my soulmate, the love of my life, my one and only best friend. Her spirit resides in my heart for fur-ever and I remain guided by her wisdom, her love and her amazing capacity to live each day for the greatest gift that it is.
