Christmas will not be the same this year without you. My heart forever aches for you, your velvet ears, your little face, the way you would play (gentle) “bite the hand”. I spent the other night looking at old videos of you opening your gifts, playing! Oh how I wish I had more videos but even if I had a million, it would never be enough.
I’ll miss our annual “walk on the beach” with your festive attire. I never dressed up. It was all you – you were the show! You always made me so proud; such a good sport.
There is hole in my heart that will never be filled but each day I feel more and more confident that your spirit WILL live on forever. And you will not be forgotten. I come back to these forums daily. Because I need to be a support to those in this journey and because I need to keep your story alive. I have not and can not let go.
Till the day I take my last breath I will talk about you, remember you, love you with my whole heart.
The void is a little less. You sent me Jasper earlier this year and as much as I tried to put up a wall to protect myself, she broke that down. I do care deeply for her. Not in the same way I love and feel love for you but different. You knew that it would take me some time. You knew that I had a lot of barriers to overcome so that is why you sent her early so that by Christmas, my heart would be receptive to love and I would be able to try and enjoy the holidays a little bit. Always thinking, my best girl… always~ You knew Christmas would be even harder than it usually is so you were proactive. I love you for that.
This is the hardest Christmas since the one right after I lost my father. The lights don’t sparkle as bright. My heart feels a lot empty. And every time I hear “Silent Night”, I burst into tears! But I think because I have felt such significant loss in my young life (the loss of a parent), I am better equipped to handle the pain. People tell me I am strong. I guess I am. I am just feel sad. And I am OK with that. Because I know that eventually the sadness will pass and the happy memories we shared will come back.
Merry Christmas my sweet angel… thank you for watching out for me – always. I love you. To the moon and back and for all eternity.